Tuesday, 13 October 2015

a clean slate

As the day looms closer to my show, my self esteem is dropping fast. If we would meet I come across as a very confident person. That is because I am confident in my thoughts and opinions and I know what I like. I am an extremely feisty person I will stand up for what I know is right. And I will focus on something till I get it. However my sensitivity is heightened when I start to fear the fall/fail might be too much. Doesn't mean I will give up but I will be overly sensitive to everything, that is going on at the time.  Doubt for me is my Achilles heal. When I doubt my own heart, I start asking any one and everyone for the answers. And I never find the one I want because the answer I need is from myself. Also by asking too many people I add to my worries, and usually the answers I do get play on my insecurities. 

I was reading the moon posts of sphinx and the milky way and it just hit home this first section
 'No one can escape what they are being asked to face in their life right now. Know that whatever is coming up for you is important to your soul's growth. I also strongly believe that everything that is coming up right now is about the past'
This to me was profound. All the little things I am stopping myself going ahead with comes from an emotional place which is from past hurt. 

I have been trying to think how to overcome this. As your past sculpts how you are in your present? To be honest I don't want to be stuck in the past, I have had some really shitty things happen to me in my past I don't want to be anchored by that. You can't forget and when people say move on from it, I think fuck them its not as easy as that. But I do think being kinder to yourself is the first step. Allowing your life to breath. Also making sure that each experience you face, give it a clean slate. 

Lapis Lazuli: 
a powerful stress relieving stone that also unleashes inner spiritual energy, and facilitates the manifestation of deep personal truths and spiritual power.

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