So a lot has happened in the past week. I started packing and clearing my room of basically crap I have accumulated while living at home for so long. And I noticed all these pieces of work, that I have created. All these efforts I have spent hours working hard on to become the successful artist I so want to be. And when I say successful I don't need a massive house to feel like I have made it. I told the art director of apple who I met with this summer that I want to be able to fulfil my dream of working in a job I love everyday. Also a trip to Japan and a car with central locking would be nice to. He said "thats so sweet."
It may be sweet to some but I don't ask for a lot in life. I do like nice things, but when I say nice things I like objects, art, food, places etc that people have put effort into. It is much more satisfying to eat a meal which someone has cared about, buy a piece of art that someone has put their emotions into.
So after clearing away all these attempts at success or an income. I realised that if I do move, there will be no money for me to carry on being an artist being able to work flexibly, dashing off to a meeting at a moments notice incase this chance is 'it'. I realised I was chasing the wrong dream. I was wanting to move out as I felt it was 'right', and it was time and I had been listening to the social life clock of the people surrounding me rather than my own path.
I like to follow through with every opportunity and I saw this brilliant cabin on a farm as one. As I have learnt through relationships in love something you think was perfect for you in that moment is actually standing in the way of something better, you just have to trust the timing of your life.
An opportunité for me to fly the nest has come up. I am scared shitless, financially mainly. I don't have a fear of living, growing and being by myself. If you saw my studio which is in the middle of no where you will understand that hermitville is where I am happiest and most productive. But the money aspect worries me. Being an artist is tough but I am committed that this is my chosen path. I just will have to work every hour and the day gives me, and furniture will have to come later. I am actually excited about the idea of not affording furniture and using my imagination on ways to create things out of found objects.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.
I have started drawing studies of weeds. Outside my studio there is a load of rubble and leftover farm gear. But it is a breading ground for all types of weeds. Thistles mainly, but I love them the structure and how throughout their life time they remain beautiful.
Too often I feel the beauty in the overlooked gets forgotten for what we get told is beautiful.
Along with classical music I listen to podcasts and interviews with artists on you tube. I am trying to learn about my industry and there really isn't a set programme of how to do things it is more about listening to other peoples journeys. I found this Tracey Emin talk at MCA. I must of listened to it about 3 or more times now. It is so honest, like her work I guess. But she is so open about her inspirations where she gets her ideas from, absolutely everything she talks about it is so refreshing to hear this. I sometimes feel that artists and the art world is one big secret and no one wants to tell the other person what they are doing. I hate secrets, I think they are shady behaviour and only leads to problems. I don't know one secret that has ever been kept that has been about something good.
My favourite part of the interview where she shows us what she bought for herself with her money to treat herself. I really enjoyed seeing the art that inspires her. She said it is all old art.
I always give credit where credit is due. If I have been inspired by someone I will tell them. So I will mention early in this blog Sphinx and the Milky Way. I have read her blog since the beginning of the year for her moon readings. They are incredibly accurate and I adore reading them. I have got into all things moon and spiritual in the past few years as a way of understanding things. I will obsess about things until I have figured it out or found an answer. Sometimes however life throws you questions that aren't meant to be answered and are just there to change your path. I find learning about the moon and the universe makes me understand how and why we can be effected and this has given me some answers I have been searching for.
Sphinx and the Milky Ways blog has inspired me to start up my own blog again. I blogged for years about my gardening to fashion then lost my interest. I am using her blog as a template to pick up from again, till I have found my way.
I have captured the two stills from each trailer that really spoke to me.
Top is from 'Youth' I miss Switzerland and the mountains.
Bottom is from 'Lobster' Rachel Weisz is my favourite actress I will always watch a film with her in. She always goes for roles where they have character and depth. Thats what speaks to me with people.