I have got so much happening in the pipe line, and press coming out, it all feels very surreal. My work is selling well on etsy, I got featured on le mode, an interview on shopkeepers and the show at Botany is going very well, paintings this week have been taken for a special photo shoot.
It seems like an overnight success? Me and my family know its down to years of commitment.
I have always been a bit unsure of commitment as I have feelings of being trapped when I commit to something. Not very good at putting down roots, I resented my gym membership because it meant I would have to stay in Bath to use it. Even though I have lived in Bath my whole life, it is the idea of not having my freedom thats my panic. Freedom to leave something I don't like. Imagine being trapped in something that made you miserable; job, relationship, place etc. I am always pointing in the direction of happiness, what will make me happy? Only getting spun off course with interference.
January being my month of selfishness has been so good. Not taking on the need to make sure others are happy in their lives I keep skipping down my track. I noticed I was less miserable. Before this month I had been deserted by a friend again when their life turned around and mine didn't, so basically I wasn't happy enough for them to hang around with I was bringing them down, even though I had helped get them to this happy state. I had a eureka moment, course I wasn't happy anymore the joy had been taken from me, handing it out to everyone else, so when they come back to chat and take more happy energy, I had none left for me. I knew I wasn't a miserable person, just a depleted one.
What I am trying to say about commitment and energy I found my answer through whats just happened with my art. I finally put down roots, with my studio. It is the first physically non moving thing that I have committed to. I was ready for it this time, thats why it has worked.
What is the universe handing to you? because it is probably what you are ready for.
Auguste Rodin, Icarus.