Since the move of the studio I have become very self aware of myself. I underestimated the effect it would have on me the separation of my creative place and all my work being stored in different locations.
It was the one thing of mine that I felt attached to, was my commitment. Everything else in my life is someone else's 'thing.' House I live in is my mums, part time job is someone else's vision. I know this is why I am having doubts about setting up my own building on someone else's land. As the building will be mine but still doesn't give me that 100% freedom. Then it was a eureka moment everything to me that is important is about freedom, and I only doubt myself when my freedom starts to get taken away from me. Probably why I have been dreaming of far off countries like the desert, everything is wild there. The Australian outback a harsh land but beautiful at the same time. I have always been drawn to it, to ride wild horses, to swim in the outdoors.
I have this dream because I know it will come true. But your dreams always tell you something. I am dreaming of freedom, how do I create my own freedom? Firstly I know I have it and its not something that can be created or be taken away, freedom is in your soul. Thats why I think people get confused when they think of their job, relationships etc as encroaching on their freedom. Its your doubts and fear and monotony that chisels away at it.
You got to look at your doubts as if it was a fierce animal standing in front of you, and how do you choose to face it? I know that someday in the future I will buy my own plot of land to build on, move the studio I will build in September onto it as well, and then it will be my own little piece of wild.
I see other artists have done this, Georgia O'keeffe had ghost ranch, the bloomsbury group had Charleston. And I suppose I have reached that same stage now that I know the reason behind these artists homes.